What do I need to take for granted to get this done?

I have
this idea that my calendar
is up
because of a new cramp

looking through a water-stained window
at my gold-flecked boy
in his map room

how could I squirm out a description
of this person

I forgot that it's selfish to daydream about dying

or not?
you have a right to die
and separately
a right to be vain

every morning there are
bugs in my bed and
we seem less scared
of each other
than ever

looking at my golden baby
through that wet window
wondering if it's selfish
to fantasize about dying
from my latest cramp

I believe in a right to die
but I'm still on the fence
about being vain